October Update...

It's a new month and things are starting to settle into a routine. I prefer the boring day to day stuff. I would rather not deal with a lot of drama - don't get me wrong there's drama, but it's 5th grade drama and Jr. High drama.
Kelani decided she wanted her hair cut, so we cut it in an A line bob - short

Here's the before.

the after

There you have it. It's cute and it still covers her ears.

I guess one of her classmates decided that she wanted to be just like Kelani so she also cut her hair and tried to match Kelani's outfit from the day before. Kelani was distraut. I tried to tell her that it's a good thing - I never had anyone copy me when I was a kid. I was too much of a goober. But she is still upset. I feel sorry for the other girl, she must really not like being her self. She has blonde hair and is taller than kelani. Kelani said "She's trying to steal my life!!" I told her that was not possible. Maybe when she's older she'll get it. In the mean time I have told her to ignore the other girl if she can't be nice. I guess our next door neighbor, a girl just younger than Kelani also cut her hair short. - Too much drama for me.

Londen doesn't have drama - he's a boy. That is great for me. He has challenges... He has a couple of classes at school that he is struggleing with but that is par for the course. I am doing my best to help him, much of my anxed from jr high is coming back to me. I thought I had blocked it out - no no, it's right there, the feelings for worry, the smells, the heartbreak - all of it. No one told me that you may have to relive your past thru your child. I keep reminding my self that he's different, and his experience is different. I just hope it's different in a good way.

Other than that, not much is going on. It got cold really fast, I hope it will warm up for a few days before we embark on another winter season. It has already snowed. September was such a great month. It was mostly warm and so beautiful - making it hard to let go of summer. The heater is on and working round the clock and we should put some more blankets on the beds. And Sophie hates going out to go potty - so that is going to be fun. I literally have to shove her out the door. I need to cut a doggy door, but I'm not sure she'd use it. She's still cute and I still love her.

Kaipo's schedule continues to be crazy and challenging, but we manage. It's getting easier to transition between the scenarios of  Dad home and Dad not home. There are pro's and cons to both. They are just different experiences.

A new school year begins.

Wow. Summer is over. My kids are growing up right in front of my face. Londen started his first day of Jr. High today, I don't know who was more nervous, me or him. I hope he had a good day, I remember how confusing it can be. I am glad that he has friends that are in 9th grade. Kahelelani started 5th grade today. She was nervous but didn't want me to walk her to school, "Mom, I'm in fifth grade!!! I don't need any help". It's funny how many times your role changes as a mom. I'm not sure how to do this more grown up thing. I can't cuddle them, they may or may not want to discuss their problems with me, and I am a total dork now - which I intend to take full advantage of. Remember all those times we were out and you threw a tantrum in the middle of the store??? it's payback time, the dorkier, the better.
LOL I'm just kidding. I will try to lay low and be there for them how ever they need me, I love them both so much, most of what I do is for them.

True Happiness...

It's been a while since I last blogged as you can tell. I have to say I'm sad that summer is over (mostly), but I have learned so much this summer about my self, my life, my husband, and my kids. I realized that its like I have been going through life with blinders on - now my eyes have been opened so to speak. I blogged earlier this year about having depression and it seems I forgot some basic skills - and yes SKILLS is the right word - I just needed a little jolt to get back on track. so here it is, my big awakening...
1. Quit being so selfish - do unto others...
2. Be grateful - for everything, for everyone and all that they do to make life better.
3. Don't sweat the small stuff.
4. Be the kind of person who is easy to love and care about.
5. Cut the drama. Look at the positive.

That's it in a nutshell.
These are things I have known for years, I didn't realize how angry, and self serving I had gotten. I was playing the victim, and I wanted it to stop. So I went to a counselor, and I read some books. I got the kick in the butt I needed. I am much happier, the depression is gone, and I can proudly say I am no longer the victim, I am the recipient of a wonderful life, surrounded by people that I love and take care of. I have a wonderful husband and I will never forget how much I love him and how much he does for me and the kids.
Gratitude, and unconditional Love. Simple.

My giant green couch

I have been feeling much better lately. I find that I look forward to things instead of dreading them. With my new found enthusiasm I have decided to paint more stuff in my house. I didn't get a before picture but I will post an after picture. I like the change that painting makes for not a lot of money. I have a wall in my family room that has two bookcases flanking a spot for a fire place. I have a chair in that spot. Anyway, I painted the book cases a tannish color and left the shelves a cream color. Now the shelves look really up to date and it makes the furniture look so old. I have this huge green sectional, its not a cool shade of green, but I love that couch. It is so comfortable. I have thought about recovering it, I called an upholstery place and they said it would cost me less to buy a new couch. So I considered doing it my self. I have a friend who did it twice, on sectionals both times. The hard part is that I think I need about 50 yards of fabric, give or take. That is a lot of fabric and if I got what I really wanted it would cost about 10 - 15 dollars a yard. Well I did find a place that has rolls of fabric for a couple bucks a yard but it's hit and miss with the colors and the trick would be getting enough yardage. So needless to say, I am stuck with my couch the way it is. So I am trying to decorate around the couch even though it is a huge thing in the room. I have been trying to stick to neutral colors, earth tones and that. So we'll see how it all turns out. I don't like the new modern stuff they are coming out with. I prefer the country look and feel. I think when things are too sleek they feel cold and hospitalesque. I want something that is inviting , warm, lived in, but clean. The cleaning part is the hard part. I do know that if I de-clutter it feels bigger, and cleaner. now the trick is getting the motivation to do it.

My husband is a saint

I know it's been a while since I last blogged, I felt like I shouldn't write about the hard times. Not that I felt like writing anyway. I was really struggling with depression as I have said in other posts, but I have never had it like that. I finally went to to doctor and found out I have an overactive thyroid. There are a lot of symptoms and it really messes with your head. The one symptom I would have loved to have is the weight loss one. I should be dropping the pounds according to the research I did, but that is not the case. Although I have had a decrease in appetite. Nothing sounds good to me like it used to.
So I'm on the mend. I have a thyroid scan this week. We'll see how that goes. It's a nuclear scan?! I have never heard of it before. It's a 24 hour test that involves injections and stuff. Yay! I have to say my husband has been a saint throughout the last year. I guess it's been pretty hard for him, but he has hung in and still loves me. Thank goodness for that. I am so grateful for him. He keeps me sane and is always adjusting to what I need. I love him so much.

To long board, or not to long board...

Last Saturday I was hanging out with my husband and kids, we decided to go for a walk to the church, the kids brought the long board to ride in the church parking lot. We got there and I watched londen take a ride on it, it looked so easy, so I wanted to try. I got on and it was OK, there was a slight decline so I started to go faster, keep in mind I was just standing on the board just gliding, all I had to do was turn it a little by leaning. Well my feet were not right and I couldn't seem to get it to turn, so I decided to bail. My left foot hit the ground first and my foot went one way and my knee went the other. I stumbled a few steps and went down hitting and skinning the other knee. I didn't know it but I tore up my left knee on the inside, and my right knee on the outside. They both hurt so bad. Kaipo made me get up of the black top and I tried to walk home. Over the next few hours my left knee swelled up like a balloon. I couldn't bend my leg, I couldn't put any weight on it. I had kaipo call out neighbor to come look at it, He's a chiropractor, I didn't know if I should go to the doc, or if I should wait and see. Well my neighbor took us Sunday and x-rayed it for me, and luckily it was not broken. Since then it has been getting better and better. I am able to walk on it and it's getting better, but I don't take the time to rest it like I should. So my conclusion is, listen to the little voice in your head that says, you're not 20 anymore, you don't heal as fast as you used to.

Perfectly Imperfect

Well I have been having a rough patch, but I'm on the mend and doing much better. I had a hard week last week. I have been quite depressed. I think it's partly the weather, partly my hormones (the lack there of), and partly me letting my thoughts get away from me. I have just been really depressed and couldn't pull myself out of it. I finally had a good cry and let it all out. It turns out I have been putting an enormous amount of pressure on myself and feeling like a huge failure. I guess I forgot how much I am needed and loved. Kaipo helped me realize that I don't have to be perfect and I am loved even though I have faults. It's part of life to make mistakes. I get so wrapped up in trying to get it all right that I forget that I will never be perfect in this lifetime and all I can do is my best and sometimes my best is just getting by. So if you are struggling and feeling depressed and it's because you are being too hard on yourself - remember that you don't have to be perfect and maybe your imperfection is supposed to teach someone else. Trust in the powers that be, and know that Heavenly Father loves you no matter what.